My Fifty Shades of Grey – minus 25

Don’t you just love, love, love it when you’re having the hardest day ever and then some brave soul offers you the misinformed, entirely useless advice – “You’ll survive – you’re not the only working mother in the world” or my absolute favourite – “You’re kids are just like everyone elses’ – you just complain more!”.

After hearing those 2 comments more than I can bear, I’ve decided to try to curb my public mental breakdowns and limit my outbursts to the confines of my house (instead of the school car-park in the morning just before drop-off).

The truth is being a working mom is causing me to go grey prematurely (not there yet but soon I’m sure!)  So confessing some of my deep dark, or grey-causing thoughts helps me get by.

But of course, it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t let off steam and confess that I, like lots of mothers, am feeling completely over-worked, under-appreciated and exploited (even though I have just returned from the most fabulous vacation to Fiji).

I thought by confessing some of my secret coping mechanisms I could garner some validation for what I do – so please let me know that I’m not alone in my Secret Confessions of an over-worked ‘primary-carer’ (thanks hubbsy darling for that blanket definition that you use as my alias too many times a week).  And please, please don’t judge me.  If you’re not with me you’re the cause of my fifty shades of grey hairs to come!

So here are my 50 shades of grey, minus 25 – my Secret Confessions of an over-worked ‘primary-carer’

1. Sometimes I drop the kids off at school before I’ve had a shower or brushed my teeth
2. I often fantasize about spending the entire day in bed
3. I sometimes fantasize about dropping the kids at school in my gown and slippers, or in their gowns and slippers
4. I secretly wish I was super rich
5. I am ready to have another baby, in theory
6. I am so not ready to look after another baby as well as my other 2 kids and to accommodate a new baby logistically and financially
7. There have been times when I don’t wash my hair for 6 days straight
8. I fear Brazilian waxes more than childbirth
9. I fake-smile in public to keep up appearances
10. I sometimes fantasize about making a run for it when the kids are going crazy at bed time
11. I sometimes prefer to stuff my face with chocolate in the pantry than sit with my kids while they’re eating dinner
12. I havent mopped the floor in a week, and counting
13. I have, on several occasions, eaten the childrens’ leftover lunch from school out of hunger and frustration
14. I sometimes sleep in one of the kids’ rooms just to get some peace and quiet
15. I dread the damage my kids’ wil unleash in my car when I  pick them up from school most days
16. I love to sing really loud in public to put myself in a good mood
17. I eat 4 chocolates every time I grocery shop
18. I drink Coke and eat a slab of chocolate for breakfast every day of my life
19. I havent eaten fruit and/or vegetables for a very, very long time
20. I only cook from scratch twice a week
21. I haven’t had a pedicure since my wedding 8 years ago
22. I sometimes drive around the block before I pick up my kids from school just to get some free time
23. I sometimes respect one child more than the other based on behaviour
24. I cry out of frustration every so often (my mother always told me “It’s good to have a good cry every once in a while”)
25. I dream about one day being a famous writer, or a luxury hotel critic, or taking any job that requires loads of travel to Europe
    So there!