Sep 5
This gallery contains 10 photos.
So I’ve decided to get personal. Strip down. Tear down the barriers and facades and take a break from hiding behind randomly googled images and hot Barbie versions. I wanted to show you how we really look during those dark and unpredictable hours between after-school pick up and before bedtime. What you see is what I get […]
I absolutely hate putting out.
There.
I said it.
I really don’t know if that’s normal or a common phenomenon, but what I do know is that it’s not a new phenomenon and that I can’t even blame motherhood for my ‘condition’.
No, my fear of having to put out probably has everything to do with the way my mother raised me and also that I was probably the last 23-year-old virgin left on the planet when I got married. The potent combination of a well-delayed wait and a coping mechanism of not having to need or want to “go there” only made my fear of putting out that much worse.
My ‘birds and bees’ tuition commenced even before my baby ballerina days. Probably even before I could eat solids or sit up straight on my own! My mother had a fabulous knack for put the fear of G.d into my baby sister and I about all things to do with boys. She conjured up some gruesome images for us that today would even make the thought of Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or Robert Pattinson completely unpalatable. But the clincher always lay in the mystery that my mother imparted on us – that ‘boys have got , weird and mysterious ways of touching a girl in ‘certain places’ that after a certain moment ’the girl will find it impossible to say “No”.
Ewww. I still cringe inwardly when I reflect on those lectures. I have never been a particularly sexually promiscuous person. To be sure, I would almost always choose a night on the town with friends drinking and dancing or, on the other end of the spectrum, a hot bubble bath. After that I’d much rather jump into bed with a hot Elizabethan fiction novel than a hot guy!
For me, putting out is my currency. So as much as I hate to admit it, it makes my world go round. For me, putting out is as luractive and cut-throat as the financial services world when the stock market is in turmoil. Every time I put out, it’s almost inevitably a foreign exchange transaction.
“OK, OK, if you really, go without having ‘it’ tonight, then do it. But you should know that I have the worst headache in the world that not even 2 Nurofen Plus tablets could kill. Also, if I agree to enter into this transaction, the trade-off is that you will dress the kids tomorrow morning while I sleep till 7.30am, and you have to give them their breakfast while I shower!”
So, I quickly ‘settle the trade’ in the market (which is already in turmoil, buy a few put options and a few call options, then roll over, comatose and fall asleep for a few short hours, morning birds already chirping outside. And – if need be, I’ll do it again tomorrow night, but only if I am absolutely strapped.
Don’t get me wrong, it does aid a tense relationship at times, and I totally get that men need it more than we do to survive. But I’ll be damned if I’m using the money I earned during these overnight heavily contested negotiations on sexy lingerie. What’s in it for me then? Hell no, I’m going to buy me some new Clinique base (instead of the cheap substitute crap I’ve been using lately from the supermarket), or a new pair of shoes or get my hair done!
As far as I can tell, I’ll be putting up with putting out for a while yet. But – if there’s still a tiny chance that there’s something (material) in it for me then I can close my eyes and think of makeup/shoes/hair colour for a few minutes each night – I owe it to myself!
I delivered this speech for the Annual Golden Gavel Young Lawyers – Law Society NSW Competition. Ten competitors have 24 hours to prepare a 5 minute speech to be presented to an audience of 500 lawyers, judges and barristers at 7.15 AM in a luxury Sydney hotel. I reproduce this speech for you not as an example of a good speech, not because I was victorious, but because I accomplished something that none of the other competitors had. I was the only competitor with 2 sick kids to look after while I prepared, I had had less than 3 hours sleep the night before and I left the house when it was still dark. I was there 30 minutes early and I was remarkably un-nervous and well groomed! When I spoke I was fearless and I loved every minute of it! Not sure I would do it again, once was enough for me. Also, couldn’t have done it without darling husband giving me a chance to prepare overnight and tending to the kids for the dawn shift so I could get to thic city by 6.54am! Why didn’t I win, you ask? Well – to be fair, I think my imminent win may have been hindered by the fact that I was speaker number 3 and I had to compete with the clatter of 500 sets of knives and forks digging into a full buffet breakfast. Also, to my credit, I did get lots of “she’s made such a cute little joke” laughs from the audience and I was a true aid to my fellow competitors for getting the croud warmed up by speaker number 10! Enjoy x
It’s always fun to reflect on the past. I can recall so clearly:
Long days spent digging all day long to discover some buried treasure that everyone else was searching for but only I could find.
The wayward young boys trying to convince me to play with them and run away and be naughty.
The usual, annoying pests nagging me for stuff.
The cute guy who sits next to me and always manages to distract me with his charming little antics and shiny, new toys.
The mean bullies who are always getting into trouble for harassing the girls, saying rude things to us and trying to look up our skirts.
The constant pressure of having to impress my friends with the cool stuff I can say and do.
And Finally, at the end of the day when I’ve reached my limit, I’m in tears crying for my mummy or daddy to come and rescue me.
Hhmph! And that was just my day at work YESTERDAY. Yes, I have to say everything I know about the practice of law I learnt in the sandpit.
For lawyers, the sandpit really is our very first training ground.
It’s where we get our first taste of how to be lawyers and how to interact with all other lawyers.
The funny thing is, I’m not sure we’ve evolved from those halcyon sandpit days. We just swapped our toy cars for sports cars, our plastic phones for iPhones and BlackBerries, our crayons for real pens, our overalls for powersuits and our barbies and toy soldiers for clients and colleagues. We’re all just big kids trying to survive in the big corporate sandpit
All you have to do is think back to your own days as a kid in the sandpit.
The Networkers
These kids are the dealmakers, shrewd negotiators and savvy schemers.
“SO – I’m willing to trade you my red spade if you let me play with your green bucket. O yeah, and on condition that that yummy mummy of yours comes to pick us up later. Anyway, great catching up. Sorry, gotta go, potty break. Let’s do lunch sometime soon, maybe a play-date. Get your parents to call my parents – soon. Pencil some time in. [Wave].
The Litigators
These kids ask a million questions. Why Why Why why why? love digging up stuff and won’t stop digging till they find their friend’s Kinder-Surprise toy lost at the bottom of the sandpit. They’re also excellent at burying stuff so that no one can ever find it again.
The smooth talkers
These kids have the razzle dazzle.
All they do is wink, smile sweetly and then steal your toys from under your nose. “Look – over there, isn’t that Dorothy the dinosaur?”
Before you know it your bucket, spade and snacks are all gone and your shoes are filled to the brim with sand. But, you’re not phased at all. And what’s more you’d probably be duped again for a lick of their ice cream.
The bullies
These are the bossy kids. They never play nice. They throw sand at the younger kids and never share their toys. They live by the theories of “Rather hit than Be hit”. “Rather bite than be bitten.”
They stake out their territory and terrorise the other kids to succeed. Ball-breaking corporate lawyer perhaps?
The delegators
These are kids don’t their own hands and feet dirty. They give orders, get the younger kids to do all the work and they just approve the whole process. [LOUD BOLD VOICE: “No, that sandcastle is not to our satisfaction. It’s OK in spirit and substance, but I don’t think we can charge big money for that. It doesn’t even fit the culture of our sandpit.
Next time, you might want to make more effort to build it higher, with more levels, and with a bit more enthusiasm. Maybe – then I could give my sign-off.”
Destined I’m sure for life as partner in a big top tier firm.
Then you have the Dreamers and Loners, who play on their own and aren’t interested in what the other kids are up to? Maybe a sole practitioner? Or still doing their masters? “Yeah we’re really not sure what wrong with our little Chloe’ – we’ve been to all the best therapists and she just stares out the window. .”
And The mediators
These kids are in the minority. They’re at the top of the sandpit pecking-order. These kids set the rules and ethics for the sandpit. They break up fights and settle disputes. They decide who goes on the swings next, for how long and why. A future judge perhaps?
Yes – everything we need to know about the practice of law, we learnt in the sandpit. But we still have much more to learn from the sandpit rule of law.
Like how to have fun! Because – We’ve lost our way in the humdrum of daily legal life and become so stiff and uptight.
And so I have some suggestions:
· Ciggie breaks and coffee runs should be replaced with a quick ride on the see-saw.
·
Last week I was 1 week late.
Usually, well, before I had kids that is, I would panic.
I would start rummaging around for dusty pregnancy tests, feel a strange sense of instant nausea coming on and frantically scan the iPad calendar to check for eligible maternity leave work allowances. But this time, I was actually OK with it.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I will use any, and I mean ANY excuse to get out of work at the moment. But maybe, it’s because I am actually feeling clucky, for the first time in my life. There. I said it. Not Angelina Jolie-clucky. Like I need one to look like me and one to look like him and then one to match all my outfits and bags. Maybe, just like Jennifer Aniston-clucky. Like, there’s nothing too specific to speak of just right now, but maybe in the not too distant future I will put this item at the top of my “to do list”. Plus, this time round, I want to look like Natalie Portman in maternity gear and, I also wouldn’t mind winning a super-glamorous award for all my achievements right before I pop.
My mind was as crowded as the “Nickle Nackle Tree” on a good day, crammed to the brim with comical cartoon-like images of me …..fleeing from the office, forever….. Snuggling in a sunlit, cozy nursery with my glowing toddlers at my feet…… Cuddling with my magnificent newborn…..Inhaling what is hands down the best smell in the world – your own brand new baby’s soft, tiny little head…Staring in wonderment at the magnificent tiny little replica of you nuzzled into your chest and consternating over the wonders of creation.
Then I got my period. My dreams and hopes all dashed in the time it took to work up a killer migraine and crack open a bottle of wine. Two Nurophen Pluses and 250 grams of Cadbury’s chocolate later I was back to my old cynical self. But I couldn’t help wondering how far I’ve come in the last 20 months. Now, not only I had made great progress in reaching the point that:
Well said!!!!! Agree with you 100% If only every parent thought like this though :(
I absolutely agree. A man that does his fair share of the housework (includes looking after children
My son 5 would love the transformers pair
Hi Kerry Congratulations on winning the boys pack! Please contact us with your postal address and we
Congratulations to Kerry and Carolyn for winning the draw! Your gorgeous gift packs will be on their
